Sitting here in the train station waiting for the next train that will take me back to school, my mind can’t help it but wander.
There is so little I am certain about at the moment. Actually the only thing I’m certain about is that I have exams coming up, besides that I don’t even know what I’ll be doing tomorrow, in March, in August, or even where I’ll be living next year. What I do know is that it’s ok that I don’t know. It’s ok that at this moment I have no idea what I’m doing. In a way it’s liberating. I could do anything. Anything I want (well with in reason).
Even though everything seems uncertain and muddled right now, there are a few things that help to make it all a little clearer. I have my friends and family who are endlessly and kindly supportive. I have my schooling which helps remind me that while I feel as if I’m swirling around in an eddy, I am at least moving in a direction.
I am a person who likes to have a plan. Not a plan that dictates what I’m doing every second. But a goal, something to work towards. A goal is a way to know that I’m doing something productive, moving in the right direction. I’ve had goals as long as I can remember. They mostly had to do with what I wanted to be when I grew up. And the good amount of things I did were in some way related to my goal at the time. So, maybe it’s good that I don’t have a goal. Maybe it’s a good learning experience. And a reality check. A time to deeply think about what I want to accomplish. Maybe it’s time I sit with my confused thoughts and wait it out.
Try something new. Step into the unknown and stay for a while (excuse the cliché, it seemed awfully fitting).
I know that I am not the only one who is experiencing this. To those of you who feel lost, feel as if you have no clear purpose, have little to no idea what you want to do, I can tell you this: you are not alone. It’s ok that you don’t know.
You don’t have to. None of us do. There are people out there that will tell you you need to have it all figured out. They will tell you to get your life together. To pull yourself up by the bootstraps and continue forwards. But you don’t have to listen to them. If you have no idea what you’re doing, that’s ok. Of course it is. Life is confusing and overwhelming sometimes. It can be stressful and worrying. Sometimes, it’s good to step back and take a breath. A good deep breath. Tons of them if you need. And it’s ok to be ok with that.
To all of you out there who feel lost, you are not alone. There are plenty of us who feel lost too, myself included.
It will all be ok. We’ll figure it out, when we’re ready, on our own time and no one else’s.
I received this Maria Rainer Rilke in a Christmas letter from a friend: “Be patient with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticeing it, live your way into the answer.” This may not fit for your thoughts today. Peace to you. GJ
Thank you! This is beautiful and certainly fits with my thoughts today. Peace to you as well